Those of you who read my scribbling regularly know that I have, for decades, suffered from chronic depression.
Well, the infamous "Black Dog" has been back for a few weeks. It seems that every time I move, I trip over that @$%£&**@ dog. Which seems to excite him. But for me, it is great deal less than thrilling. It's actually miserable.
Tonight, I decided to light a fire in the fire pit outside. I just got it started, going nicely, when the rain began to pour. Sitting around a campfire in the rain is not a fun experience. So I gave up. I came inside. And I have written this. Yeah, life is pretty gggrrrr right now.
The problem is that I've been doing the "right things." I'm getting enough sleep. I'm taking my medications as I should. I'm eating well. I'm physically active — particularly, I've been raking a the old leaves off the lawns around our house. I just finished that today.
Despite the "right things," I'm not doing well. I "shouldn't" be feeling this way. But I am. Life with depression.
I'll be back. Sometime. Not sure if that is a threat or a promise. In the meantime, I may not have enough energy to visit you — thought you may have noticed that absence already.
Blessings and Bear hugs.
Today's Weather Report
Frankly, I really don't care. For the record, it is cool and rainy/wet.
Thursday 8 May 2014
34 comments:
So glad you've dropped by the Bear's den. Please leave a note -- getting notes is such fun, and often informative. I'll get back to you, here or by e-mail, as soon as I can (or, if it's winter, after I wake up). 'Til then, please Bear with me.
PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS AN AWARD-FREE AND MEME-FREE SITE. While I'm honoured to receive awards, I find they take way too much energy in completing. Thanks, but no, thanks.
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"I "shouldn't" be feeling this way."
ReplyDeleteThere's too much beyond our control, including factors that we don't even know about, to blame yourself for feeling a certain way. i would say that my own depression is in the realm of anhedonia, so I relate to you about such things. I suppose there's some good in it, but I would dump it in a heartbeat if I had the option. Would you?
That is too bad about your depression. Maybe you need a change of medication. Or someone to hold your hand.
ReplyDeleteOh Bear my Mom when ever I tell her "I will see you tomorrow Mom" she always says "Don't threaten me" and smiles every day I give thanks for those words:)
ReplyDelete. Be well my friend take as much time as you need. It will be nice and warm and sunny soon the winter has taken a toll on many. Hugs to Bear. B
I have been there, Bear, and I know how debilitating it is. Keep up with the exercise and the medication. You can get out of this.
ReplyDeletePlease know that while you are wrestling that Black Dog, you have an admirer who wishes you nothing but blue skies and rainbows. And lots of love, too. :-)
ReplyDeleteI wish you well and am sending positive vibes your way. To me, depression feels like someone steals your soul. I have been there and I hope I never return to that awful place of despair and desperation. I hope the sun shines on you very, very soon. Thank you for honestly discussing the topic of depression.
ReplyDeleteBear, sorry to hear that the dog is visiting. Hoping you'll be free of that particular dog soon.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, I'll be checking by this place to say hello. xo
So sorry you are having a rough time.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my good thoughts and prayers.
I have been there and can 'feel the pain'
Blessings and a hug Rob-bear .
Bear, I well understand, not that that makes it any easier. We are encumbered by this unwelcomed guest in our household as well, from time to time.
ReplyDeleteDamn that DNA can be so stubborn. We'll be here for the long haul. Take good care
Love
kj
Dear Mr. Bear,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to read that you are in the midst of a struggle with the old Black Dog. I hope his presence is short and that the sun shines again for you soon.
I have been reading your blog for quite some time now and enjoy it.
I don't blog myself but keep threatening to :) I owe several of my favorite bloggers a sincere thank you for providing me with different viewpoints and interesting tidbits to think about as I go about my day.
Best wishes, I will be checking periodically to see if you are back.
Rue
Close your big bear eyes ... imagine this: me giving you the biggest bear hug you could ever imagine!!! I hope it helps, a little.
ReplyDeleteHope you will be back when your ready. Hugs, it is hard to be depressed. Please take care of yourself
ReplyDeleteSending you many positive thoughts.
ReplyDeleteA dark cloud hovers over me as I as well suffer from chronic depression. Toss in migraines (dark room) and it is a dandy recipe.
ReplyDeleteToday is my dark room day, where my words come out wrong. Then there is that dark cloud.
My best wishes for some sunshine to you soon.
I thought as much but I am sorry to have it confirmed by you now. I hope the goddamn black dog packs his bags quickly and moves to the North Pole onto whatever ice is left. You have not been out of my mind and now I wish you all the best and a fast recovery. Yes, keep doing all the right things and maybe something new? Big Hugs.
ReplyDeleteSending positive thoughts. I wish for you a brighter tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about the dumb dog. Get thee to the doghouse, Dog!
ReplyDelete((Hugs))
A couple of weeks ago I was spending about 20 hours/day in bed. I feel better now. I'm down to 18 hours/day in bed.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Oh I'm so sorry. It's so frustrating that even when you do everything right, depression can take hold if it feels like it. I have been there, and it is so hard. I hope that things get easier and the depression retreats. Feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteWish I could do something to lure that "black dog" away from you and into a pit where it belongs. I am so sorry dear Bear. My prayers are with you in the coming days my friend. Susie
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you Rob, and sending love and best wishes for sunnier days to come.
ReplyDeleteWhen I get depressed, I get suicidal and it doesn't matter if the sun is shining or not. I've gotten SO CLOSE to the actual act that it is scary and at the time I don't care who mourns or who doesn't. The black dog (to my way of thinking) is beyond our control. We cannot control the CHEMICALS in charge. Some people say taking a walk, or giving thanks, helps. THEY are momentarily depressed. To them, I want to say "See if taking a walk can help when it's CHEMICALS GONE WILD", then we'll talk.
ReplyDeleteI understand the frustration all too well. Things seem to be going well for a few days and then one day I'll wake up and be in such a depressed state I can barely get out of bed. I hope things get better for you soon.
ReplyDeleteOh that is awful. Just thinking of you raking leaves, in firepit, rain coming down. Please get better soon
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear that you're in the dumps, Bear. I hate that the dog has taken hold of you and I hope that it won't be too much longer until you can fulfill your threat/promise to return. Big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteHang on there, Bear. You are the strongest bear I know.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about this Bear. :-( Several members of my family suffer from depression so I totally understand how you can do all the “right things” and still it happens. Take care, be well, and lots of big hugs to you!!
ReplyDeleteOh Bear keep doing what your doing it will work out I promise. Bear hugs B
ReplyDeleteAdding my care and encouragement to the others. Big Bear Hugs to You.
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone for the kind and supportive comments. I expect it will be a while before things are really better.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and Bear hugs.
Thinking of you....sending peaceful thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteKeep the snout up Bear; the dog is a sneaky fellow, but like all dogs, he needs to know that the Bear is the master and he will not get the better of the Master!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the encouragement! I am, indeed, keeping my snout up (without getting snooty). And I keep putting one paw in front of the other. Time to get back to writing, I think!
DeleteBlessings and Bear hugs!
Sorry but I had to smile at how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI look at my Christian Icons and all the Saints look sad.
Sometimes they want to make me scream at them.
If Christianity is so cool then why are you depressed?
Of course I realize that looking at the world both then and now is quite depressing and sad.
Then I examine how people fight depression. They cut off from the world
and create their own and there they feel GREAT!
They see the positive side, away from arguments and pointless discussions. Deep in our souls we all know right from wrong good from bad. Yet we see people wasting so much time and energy discussing empty subjects and it is all just to make excuses for doing bad.
Not only are they wrong but make every one depressed.
Maybe its not you who needs the pills? Maybe its every one else.lol
Of course there may be a clinical reason for it but finding an outlet is the answer to it. Living life and setting example is a great reason for living.
People remember you for what you believe in and fight for knowing right from wrong.